i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
