after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
