dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
