Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
i think we sleep fucked last night...
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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