I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
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