You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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