planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
