some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
a search helicopter?!
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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