she looked like the before picture.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
it glows. i had to have it.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
