I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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