Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
