marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize