Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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