i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
