We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
PANTIES FOUND
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