i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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