you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
