Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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