dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
