I wanna bring you to show and tell
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize