Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
