I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Randomize
