worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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