Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
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