Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
is it fun? or sober?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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