Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
