U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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