my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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