I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize