K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
