I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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