My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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