She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize