Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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