I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Verdict: uncircumcised.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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