FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
