i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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