I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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