i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
