A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
youre lurking in front of me
Apparently you make a good broom.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
