did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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