I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
