the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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