Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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