Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
