I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
