People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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