Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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