just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
