and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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