dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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