just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
