what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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