time to smoke my breakfast
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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