why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
