I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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