I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
