Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
