remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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