Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
