Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
