That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
