Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
