you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
