she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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