Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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