I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
