Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
