Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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