The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
