dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize