He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Randomize
