i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
