i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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