Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
