Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
