one word: firstdatebathroomanal
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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