Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
