Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
