trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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