so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm just crazy horny about you
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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