I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
