Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize