just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
