Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
