It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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