Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize