Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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