it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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