Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
